I got paddled in first grade when another kid pushed me and I stepped a few inches out of line. Don't know if it was even on purpose on the part of the other student. It left me with fear and a whole lot of rage. When I taught high school in Tennessee, I saw a lot of kids with behavioral problems. I think every last one of them was used to being hit at home, often abused. School should be a refuge from that. A place to see something different. We shouldn't be hitting kids under any circumstances for any reason. But the kids that normally get swatted the most are the ones who really, really need to experience a nonviolent setting.
"we shouldn't be hitting kids under any circumstances for any reason" amen..I worked in childcare centers, after school programs and taught 1,2& 4th grades. One thing I had to learn with much humility is that any reports of "negative behavior" could often result in physical punishment to the child. This horrified me, as a new teacher I was naive of this even though I had suffered the same fate when I was a child. I learned to talk directly to the child if I had a problem with their behavior. I learned that me showing them the respect of talking to them directly as greatly appreciated. Working out our differences as two human beings not teacher/child help me solve more problems. Often these out bursts were cries for attention I learned. Punishment only makes angry children.
As a middle school secretary, I was also required to “witness” in the Fort Osage School District back in the ‘70’s. I was only 17! It is traumatizing for everyone involved, but that’s the point of violence, isn’t it?
Paddling and spanking are legalized child abuse. Adults get in their feelings and take out their frustration and anger on young bodies. American society is really messed up.
When I was 20, in the very early ‘80’s, I worked as an aide in a preschool. A parent told me that if his son misbehaved, I needed to smack him. I’d been spanked myself as a child, so it seemed normal to me and I did it once (with my hand, not hard, but still.) My boss took me aside and very firmly explained why I must never do that again. I remember being really surprised, but I never did it again, and by the time I had a child of my own, I knew better than to hit her either. Times change and when we know better, we do better.
The only time my father spanked me was when I was 11 years old. My two younger brothers and I were told to sit quietly in the car and wait for our father to go talk to my uncle for a few minutes. Instead of sitting quietly, I stood up in the front seat playing around with my brothers, and I pushed the gear stick with my leg. Thing is, we were parked on a high hill with a lake at the bottom. My butt was stuck out the window, and as I felt the car start to roll, I also felt and heard a loud "whack," as my father used what he had in his hand,( a rubber tube folded over) to call my attention to what was happening. He jumped in the car in time to stop it, and yelled at me for not listening to his orders to stay seated. His fear took over his usual calm demeanor, and I never stuck my butt out a car window again.
As a retired teacher, i remember getting many orders from parents to "tear their butt up if they don't behave."
This SHOCKS me! I grew up in a Canadian cult run boarding school where students were routinely paddled, often causing grievous bodily harm. We just won a 16 year class action lawsuit against the school, because we proved that the institution breached its fiduciary duty by abusing students physically, psychologically and sexually. But we would have had a hard time winning if we were in one of the states where corporal punishment is still legal in 2024! Unbelievable! Those wounds are never forgotten.
Thank you! My memoir is being released February 19. Called "Born and Razed: Surviving the Cult was Only Half the Battle". It's a cautionary tale that, among other things, highlights the danger of unregulated Christian private schools.
Not in the 60s. We were stationed in Lakenheath for 2 years, and attended British schools. At one, my second grade teacher whacked the hell out of my wrist with a heavy wooden ruler because I made an erasure during a spelling quiz. At the second school my teacher would lock “misbehavers” in a closet. Not terribly civilized.
You’re absolutely right and I apologise. I should have made it clear that it was abolished in 2004. Not soon enough for either of us but still better than many other places.
I have had the cane several times in Africa and England. I particularly remember the last time as it was for not attending church!!! Literally, religion was beaten out of me; of course, intellectual curiosity and studying the evolutionary process also helped.
Jess...as a retired public school teacher (4th grade and 7-12 special ed), I can relate to the need for discipline and compassion. Finding that balance is a challenge. When the decision is in our hands (whether as a teacher or parent) punishment/revenge/retribution seems to prevail. If only the current attitude of leadership, wars, aid to others, would be that of a Jim Carter, we might survive! Appreciation for your sharing this.
I have been so lucky since I moved to Missouri, two decades ago, in that I have never worked at a school district with corporal punishment. There are several districts in Missouri who still use the punishment, but almost every one of them is in southern Missouri. Now, Arkansas was a different story. That’s where I had to witness the swats. Thank you for reading, friend.
I could not believe that so many states still allow corporal punishment in schools. I had to look all this up (I think 19 states still allow it). Then I read this:"It is true that the trend of banning corporal punishment in schools aligns with the passage of the 1990 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child – a treaty now ratified by all countries except the United States”, so again.. the USA is sadly way behind the times.
My first teaching job was in a small school system in 1974. The principal gave me a paddle as a welcome gesture. I gave it back immediately and told him I would NEVER hit a student. I found that words worked better. It did not make me popular with other teachers, but that principal was replaced with a decent human being in my second year.
I am surprised to learn that this is still legal anywhere.
I am sick. I dared my children's teachers to touch either one of them. I told them I will go to jail, but you will go to the hospital. I was a nurse & ABHOR violence but you threaten a child - I become a lion! FYI we live in MO. So glad they are graduates.
I think most paddlings go through an administrator these days. But it is still legal in Missouri and I know one district in southern Missouri just brought it back last year. Oh my God.
“Why do you beat me daddy?” asked my four year old son in 1971. I responded and said that I didn’t beat him. He disagreed and I asked him if he was referring to the spanking (using my hand) that I had given him for bullying his baby sister the day before? He confirmed that it was, so we discussed what other types of punishment would be appropriate in lieu of spanking, i.e., time outs or room restrictions? We agreed and I never spanked either him or his sister again.
Growing up as number four of five boys (and finally #6 our baby sister) on a family farm under a father who beat (with a razor strop, yardstick, kicking with his boots or throwing dirt clods plus an abundance of mental abuse) all of we boys on a regular basis and also hearing him beat my mom with his fists when he was drunk, I swore to myself that I would never do that to my children or my wife. My four year old son had just called me out for failing that promise I had made to myself long ago. BTW, I believe that me and all of my siblings were basically good hard working kids and none of us deserved the punishment that our dad dished out. Dad and his siblings had an abusive father and a couple of my brothers turned out to be abusive fathers. The collateral damage from childhood abuse is staggering.
Thank you Jess for your moving post on this disturbing topic. We are all so fortunate to have you on our team. .
Bless you, Jerrol, for listening to your son and being willing to change your behavior. "The sins of the fathers get passed on" until someone chooses to break the chain. We need more men like you, who, even though they were abused, choose not to pass it on.
Corporal punishment has not been permitted in the UK for many years. Here in Wales hitting children is unlawful - same as assaulting an adult - whoever does it. The school my grandchildren attend has a sign up reminding everyone of the legal position regarding children.
Only in England is this kind of chastisement still permitted to parents.
I recall arguing with a colleague about it some years ago. She said a slap was preferable to other forms of discipline. I asked if she thought that would work for adults? If your boss, rather than taking appropriate disciplinary action, should just call you in and hit you..... Of course that would be wrong, she said. So why is it ok for children then? I asked. Like ever. And what is learned?? Violence is ok - that's what is learned.
I have many memories of corporal punishment. Too many. From the teachers (nuns) to the bullying by the other kids. It left a memory of shit and my hate of catholic schools. Now I know that if I have lots of money I will not be spanked. In fact I will be a leader.
I got paddled in first grade when another kid pushed me and I stepped a few inches out of line. Don't know if it was even on purpose on the part of the other student. It left me with fear and a whole lot of rage. When I taught high school in Tennessee, I saw a lot of kids with behavioral problems. I think every last one of them was used to being hit at home, often abused. School should be a refuge from that. A place to see something different. We shouldn't be hitting kids under any circumstances for any reason. But the kids that normally get swatted the most are the ones who really, really need to experience a nonviolent setting.
"we shouldn't be hitting kids under any circumstances for any reason" amen..I worked in childcare centers, after school programs and taught 1,2& 4th grades. One thing I had to learn with much humility is that any reports of "negative behavior" could often result in physical punishment to the child. This horrified me, as a new teacher I was naive of this even though I had suffered the same fate when I was a child. I learned to talk directly to the child if I had a problem with their behavior. I learned that me showing them the respect of talking to them directly as greatly appreciated. Working out our differences as two human beings not teacher/child help me solve more problems. Often these out bursts were cries for attention I learned. Punishment only makes angry children.
Yes! Treat others with the same respect and consideration you want for yourself! Simple
Jess, I love your Substack. Keep going. I think you would make a great senate or house member.
Thank you
I am a producer on The Tony Michaels Podcast. Love having you on the show.
I agree! We need people with your passion and compassion to help Missouri.
Amen!
I agree, Derek!
As a middle school secretary, I was also required to “witness” in the Fort Osage School District back in the ‘70’s. I was only 17! It is traumatizing for everyone involved, but that’s the point of violence, isn’t it?
Yes, it is. To traumatize and to control.
No child should ever be hit. Anywhere. Ever.
Paddling and spanking are legalized child abuse. Adults get in their feelings and take out their frustration and anger on young bodies. American society is really messed up.
When I was 20, in the very early ‘80’s, I worked as an aide in a preschool. A parent told me that if his son misbehaved, I needed to smack him. I’d been spanked myself as a child, so it seemed normal to me and I did it once (with my hand, not hard, but still.) My boss took me aside and very firmly explained why I must never do that again. I remember being really surprised, but I never did it again, and by the time I had a child of my own, I knew better than to hit her either. Times change and when we know better, we do better.
The only time my father spanked me was when I was 11 years old. My two younger brothers and I were told to sit quietly in the car and wait for our father to go talk to my uncle for a few minutes. Instead of sitting quietly, I stood up in the front seat playing around with my brothers, and I pushed the gear stick with my leg. Thing is, we were parked on a high hill with a lake at the bottom. My butt was stuck out the window, and as I felt the car start to roll, I also felt and heard a loud "whack," as my father used what he had in his hand,( a rubber tube folded over) to call my attention to what was happening. He jumped in the car in time to stop it, and yelled at me for not listening to his orders to stay seated. His fear took over his usual calm demeanor, and I never stuck my butt out a car window again.
As a retired teacher, i remember getting many orders from parents to "tear their butt up if they don't behave."
This SHOCKS me! I grew up in a Canadian cult run boarding school where students were routinely paddled, often causing grievous bodily harm. We just won a 16 year class action lawsuit against the school, because we proved that the institution breached its fiduciary duty by abusing students physically, psychologically and sexually. But we would have had a hard time winning if we were in one of the states where corporal punishment is still legal in 2024! Unbelievable! Those wounds are never forgotten.
Oh, friend. I am so happy to hear of your win.
Thank you! My memoir is being released February 19. Called "Born and Razed: Surviving the Cult was Only Half the Battle". It's a cautionary tale that, among other things, highlights the danger of unregulated Christian private schools.
Truly barbaric. Happy to say that it is illegal in all U.K. schools. Ed: as from 2004.
Not in the 60s. We were stationed in Lakenheath for 2 years, and attended British schools. At one, my second grade teacher whacked the hell out of my wrist with a heavy wooden ruler because I made an erasure during a spelling quiz. At the second school my teacher would lock “misbehavers” in a closet. Not terribly civilized.
You’re absolutely right and I apologise. I should have made it clear that it was abolished in 2004. Not soon enough for either of us but still better than many other places.
Definitely, Anne. I can’t believe it’s still legal here. I taught for 35 years and never felt the need to hit my kids. 💜
I have had the cane several times in Africa and England. I particularly remember the last time as it was for not attending church!!! Literally, religion was beaten out of me; of course, intellectual curiosity and studying the evolutionary process also helped.
Fear and humiliation are the point of corporal punishment. It makes for more docile worker drones.
Jess...as a retired public school teacher (4th grade and 7-12 special ed), I can relate to the need for discipline and compassion. Finding that balance is a challenge. When the decision is in our hands (whether as a teacher or parent) punishment/revenge/retribution seems to prevail. If only the current attitude of leadership, wars, aid to others, would be that of a Jim Carter, we might survive! Appreciation for your sharing this.
I have been so lucky since I moved to Missouri, two decades ago, in that I have never worked at a school district with corporal punishment. There are several districts in Missouri who still use the punishment, but almost every one of them is in southern Missouri. Now, Arkansas was a different story. That’s where I had to witness the swats. Thank you for reading, friend.
I went to Raytown schools. They gave swats in "junior high". I got quite a few for being as they said .... unwilling to learn. This was the 70's.
I could not believe that so many states still allow corporal punishment in schools. I had to look all this up (I think 19 states still allow it). Then I read this:"It is true that the trend of banning corporal punishment in schools aligns with the passage of the 1990 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child – a treaty now ratified by all countries except the United States”, so again.. the USA is sadly way behind the times.
We are always lagging behind, especially in children’s issues
And women's rights. Can't "love" the comment, but surely agree.
My first teaching job was in a small school system in 1974. The principal gave me a paddle as a welcome gesture. I gave it back immediately and told him I would NEVER hit a student. I found that words worked better. It did not make me popular with other teachers, but that principal was replaced with a decent human being in my second year.
I am surprised to learn that this is still legal anywhere.
I am sick. I dared my children's teachers to touch either one of them. I told them I will go to jail, but you will go to the hospital. I was a nurse & ABHOR violence but you threaten a child - I become a lion! FYI we live in MO. So glad they are graduates.
I think most paddlings go through an administrator these days. But it is still legal in Missouri and I know one district in southern Missouri just brought it back last year. Oh my God.
“Why do you beat me daddy?” asked my four year old son in 1971. I responded and said that I didn’t beat him. He disagreed and I asked him if he was referring to the spanking (using my hand) that I had given him for bullying his baby sister the day before? He confirmed that it was, so we discussed what other types of punishment would be appropriate in lieu of spanking, i.e., time outs or room restrictions? We agreed and I never spanked either him or his sister again.
Growing up as number four of five boys (and finally #6 our baby sister) on a family farm under a father who beat (with a razor strop, yardstick, kicking with his boots or throwing dirt clods plus an abundance of mental abuse) all of we boys on a regular basis and also hearing him beat my mom with his fists when he was drunk, I swore to myself that I would never do that to my children or my wife. My four year old son had just called me out for failing that promise I had made to myself long ago. BTW, I believe that me and all of my siblings were basically good hard working kids and none of us deserved the punishment that our dad dished out. Dad and his siblings had an abusive father and a couple of my brothers turned out to be abusive fathers. The collateral damage from childhood abuse is staggering.
Thank you Jess for your moving post on this disturbing topic. We are all so fortunate to have you on our team. .
Bless you, Jerrol, for listening to your son and being willing to change your behavior. "The sins of the fathers get passed on" until someone chooses to break the chain. We need more men like you, who, even though they were abused, choose not to pass it on.
Corporal punishment has not been permitted in the UK for many years. Here in Wales hitting children is unlawful - same as assaulting an adult - whoever does it. The school my grandchildren attend has a sign up reminding everyone of the legal position regarding children.
Only in England is this kind of chastisement still permitted to parents.
I recall arguing with a colleague about it some years ago. She said a slap was preferable to other forms of discipline. I asked if she thought that would work for adults? If your boss, rather than taking appropriate disciplinary action, should just call you in and hit you..... Of course that would be wrong, she said. So why is it ok for children then? I asked. Like ever. And what is learned?? Violence is ok - that's what is learned.
First sentence should be clear that I'm referring to schools....
That was hard to read. And needed to be written & read.
I have many memories of corporal punishment. Too many. From the teachers (nuns) to the bullying by the other kids. It left a memory of shit and my hate of catholic schools. Now I know that if I have lots of money I will not be spanked. In fact I will be a leader.