Cast Not Pearls Before Swine

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

I didn’t get a silver spoon at birth — hell, I didn’t even get the requisite boots. It was always going to be tough to pull myself up by the missing bootstraps.

I am not convinced those in power even want to see the rest of us gaining forward momentum with bootstraps — I think they want us barefoot and on our knees.

Begging.

The day we brought home our first piglets to raise on the farm.

To get any kind of help or care in this country, you have to prove suffering.

You need to be a storyteller, and if you’re good enough, you may get the right to make decisions about your own body…maybe.

We were told we needed bootstraps in this country, but what you really need is the ability to narrate your pain — especially if you’re a woman.

Prove how you suffer and we’ll get back to you in 5-7 business days.

You have to have a convincing story. You must bend to their will and tell that story to the masses — bare your pain and embarrassment and shame. Share some horrific details and the required tears. And then get down on your knees.

Abortion rights.

We just passed an amendment to secure the right to reproductive freedom in the Missouri Constitution. The conventional wisdom was to share abortion stories to win over those opposed to basic bodily autonomy.

We were asked to send letters and emails and to call and testify to share the most intimate and devastating parts of our lives with lawmakers who could not give one shit less about the stories or the women pleading for safe healthcare.

Women shared stories of rape. Stories of incest. Stories of wanted pregnancies ending in terrible tragedy. Stories of ectopic pregnancies. Stories of miscarriage.

It was soul-crushing to hear these women share their personal lives in front of legislators who occasionally looked sympathetic, but who in the end did not consider even one of the stories when deciding to block all abortions in the state.

I stand behind every single woman who shared her story. I see you. I’m in solidarity.

But I refuse. I am a survivor of sexual assault and am nearly 50 years old — I will not tell these lawmakers why they should give a shit. I shouldn’t have to and I am too old and too busy to hold a lawmaker’s hand while trying to teach them empathy and basic compassion.

I won’t do it. I am too stubborn and hard-headed to ask for a human right that should be afforded to all people.

But, I will fight these lawmakers at every turn to force their hand on reproductive rights. And that’s exactly what we did. We won back abortion rights.

The narratives Missouri women and girls shared likely helped sway undecided voters even if they did not persuade lawmakers.

Even worse? The House Resolution to overturn the abortion amendment we just passed has an “exemption” for women who have experienced rape or incest. But don’t get too excited — victims have to make a police report before they can have access to healthcare.

So, women and girls must be sexually assaulted before they can access abortion and then they must go to the police who will be tasked with deciding if it was (to borrow a term from shamed Missouri Senator Todd Akin) a “legitimate rape.”

Writing that phrase is infuriating. Sickening. Maddening.

Here is the language about rape and incest from HJR 54:

In the case of abortions performed or induced because of rape or incest, the abortion may be performed or induced no later than 12 weeks gestational age of the unborn child and only if documentation is presented to the attending physician that the rape or incest has been reported to a law enforcement agency that has jurisdiction to investigate the complaint at least 48 hours prior to the abortion.

Rape is the most under-reported crime; 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to police. Only 12% of child sexual abuse is reported to the authorities.

Twelve percent…

Most rape victims don’t report the crime. Why? It is often almost as painful as the assault itself…this can be especially difficult for rural and small-town people. Your assailant will likely not be charged and there is even a smaller probability that he will be convicted. And, then you’ll spend your life in that small town running into the cops and prosecutors and your rapist and his family at the Dollar Store or Walmart.

I personally know a child who was molested by a family member and did manage to come forward, but it didn’t matter. She was forced to tell her trauma over and over and over again, but the prosecutor failed to bring charges because it was “a child’s word against an adult” and the accused “lawyered up.”

The child suffered untold wounds because she came forward but her abuser got a lawyer and so all bets were off?

It’s always on the women to beg for humanity from lawmakers who don’t care about women — who consistently try to subjugate women. We are forced to cast pearls before swine. To waste our time and breath and mental health and our lives retelling our pain to a hostile audience. We are forced to invite harassment into our personal lives to get the most basic of care.

You know I am a back-sliding Southern Baptist, but I still remember the things I was taught for all those years, and I remember the words of Jesus well from Matthew 7:6:

“Do not give what is holy to dogs, or cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces.”

And that’s just it. Even with our most hurtful and humiliating and intimate stories, these GOP lawmakers will still trample us underfoot. They will tear us to pieces in public forums and public hearings.

I am so thankful to the women and girls who do the work of giving their testimony to lawmakers who would harm every woman and girl in this state. But, they shouldn’t be forced to do so for bodily autonomy. For basic care.

I will fight for every woman and girl in this state all while refusing to bare my own demons to the jackasses in suits who sit and smirk at survivors during hearings. The legislators who scroll on their phones while a survivor with tears streaming down her face recounts a gang rape. The Republican lawmakers who cause even more pain to the women who choose to share their pain for the greater good.

F’ck that and f’ck them.

We deserve better and we shouldn’t have to get on our knees to beg for basic rights.

~Jess